Clerks Inspired Fun

A Day In The Life

A film I watched many years ago, released in 1994, written and directed by Kevin Smith, Clerks, features a day in the life of a convenience store employee who gets dealt many a crap hand throughout the course of the movie. After being forced to go into work on his day off he arrives at the Quick Stop Groceries store to find that annoying kids have superglued the padlock, preventing him from opening the shutter.

As a result of this prank he is soon annoyed by people sticking their heads around the door and asking if the store is open. As a result, and in between customers, he creates a temporary sign out of a white sheet and shoe polish.

One night this month as I was driving through Monkmoor, Shrewsbury I noticed a DIY shop that was a constant presence in my lifetime, that had now closed and relocated. It stayed in the back of my mind for a while until I had an idea. The idea popped into my head as I was putting red ink onto the wall of the Shirehall and I knew I had to do something about it.

I bought a cheap double bed sheet (not a fitted sheet though) and took it home. Waiting for an opportune time when my wife had gone to sleep I unfolded the sheet and laid it on the floor of the freshly emptied spare room. Then the large nibbed Posca acrylic marker came out to play.

Within an hour I had tried to replicate the sign as closely as I could, in terms of spacing and the style of the letters, even down to the distinctive exclamation mark. After I was happy with the overall appearance I left it overnight to dry.

Before heading off to work I craftily entered the spare room and folded up the now dry painted sheet, then prepared for the next move. When I lifted the sheet off the floor though, there were a lot of black marks on the laminate floor where the paint had gone through the cotton sheet. Bugger. This would later be taken off with a bit of isopropyl alcohol but I did get a bit of stick from my wife for doing this. Good job it wasn’t a cream carpet…

It would need to be put up late at night to ensure that nobody saw me and stopped me from doing it. I would need a roll of duck tape (or duct tape) to affix it to the shutters and also a step ladder to allow me to reach the top of the shuttering.

A Thursday night approached and with my daughter out at the pub, I figured that I could go and pick her up, drop her at home and then head back out for the mischief. Turns out she was up for a midnight mission so we headed over to the DIY shop after midnight.

Step ladders out, sheet out and roll of gaffer/duck/duct tape ready for the job. I stuck up the top left corner and then moved across the top to the right hand side, but the left side had come unstuck before I could stick up the opposite side. Turns out the shuttering is a wonderful dust magnet and was so grimy that the tape picked up the dust and then fell off. Looks like it was going to be an abort mission when my daughter (an adult, not a toddler) suggested that I stick it to the metal cover over the shuttering, this did the trick and seemed to stick really well.

Half a roll of tape later and with the top fixed well, the sides and bottom being a little less convincingly stuck it was nearly time to leave for home. Dropping the daughter off and heading home I was chuckling to myself but the rain was getting heavier. We’ll see what happens in the morning.

The next day was a dentist’s appointment so on the way I stopped by the scene of the midnight mischief, only to find the sheet in a ruck on the floor. I jumped up and pulled off the rest of the tape so it didn’t leave a mess and then began to think of what the next move might be. At least I still had the sheet in my possession.

Window Shopping

For the next week I kept my eyes open for a vacant store with a good frontage suitable for the temporary sign. A couple of potentials made themselves visible and I settled on the front window of a closed Vape Shop on the High Street in Shrewsbury. I’d been past this shop previously selling vapes, vape liquid, bongs and other products a few times and it was closed with no lights or signs of life. I figured that it had probably been closed down after some police raids a few weeks back. There seems to be an issue with these types of shops selling illegal tobacco and vapes so I figured that’s why it was closed.

Then on a Sunday night, when the pubs all close early I headed out at around 11:30pm and went to carry out my mission. Parking up I could see the window that was targeted and there were no lights on or anything. A single young bloke was looking at a bike locked to a stand before he walked away, then an older chap with a dog walked past but thought nothing of it. I had donned a High Vis jacket and was carrying over my steps before heading back to the boot for the sheet and tape.

I also set up my old cheap digital camcorder on the opposite side of the road to video the unfurling of the banner and left this running throughout the fun.

Over the previous few days I had been assessing why the sheet had fallen down previously, it might have been pulled down, or the tape may not have stuck properly to the cotton sheet. This seemed pretty probable so I worked out that I could put some tape on the edges and then staple it to the sheet, then when the tape was fixing it to the glass it would have some duct tape ready to adhere to rather than pure cotton.

As it happened it seemed to work out really well and the sheet was the perfect size for the window. I did have to be careful though as there were already cracks in the glass so didn’t press the tape on too hard, in case I put the window through. The sheet was up and I didn’t notice that a spare piece of tappe had become affixed to it, I wouldn’t see this until much later when I was back home.

The next day, Monday, I kept an eye open on Facebook to see if anyone had noticed it and put two and two together and come out with Clerks. Nothing was forthcoming, hey ho.

In the evening though I was going to my daughters house to plumb in her new washer and on the way there we went past the shop, but there was no sign of the sheet. Oh my gosh, the lights were on and the shop was open!! I wonder when they saw the sign and took it down, I don’t think I’ll go back to ask for it back though.

I cannot believe that the shop wasn’t closed down, I bet the guys running the store were really confused by a sign on their shop saying it was open. I know I would be..

Silent Bob?

So it’s now over, I have some film and some still images of the fun that will join my Vegan Negan and Wasp Nest Poster Removal mischief projects. I probably won’t do a rerun of this one either.

Why did I do this then? I guess it was for my internal mischief circuits, and to see if anyone else noticed the homage to the 1994 movie. If it had made facebook or even a local newspaper that would have been ace, but there’s always the next time with the next project.

I figure that there was no real harm done, for a bit of a giggle, and I did try my hardest to find a closed down business so that I wasn’t interfering with an actual business.

Was it worth it? Yes absolutely, I had an evening mission with my eldest child for a giggle and then was able to mount it on the window of a shop in the centre of a town without being challenged. It gives me a good buzz doing stuff like this, but I couldn’t do something like graffiti tagging or anything like that.

Whats next? I don’t know at all, something will no doubt come tom mind but in the mean time it is time to get on with some Uni work, I’ve a dissertation to write and some photography to prepare for an exhibition.

Is Clerks worth a watch? 100%, it’s an hilariously crafted story with some marvellous twists and turns that deal with everything from underage cigarette sales, star wars and necrophilia. Check it out whenever you can.